It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
His hands were made for my vagina.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize