Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
