im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Houston, we have a blender
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
