i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
