I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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