if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
