Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
