where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
