why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
