The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Randomize
