honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
