She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
