grandma shit on top of the toilet
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
