Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
