just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
