I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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