Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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