the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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