look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
