Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
