Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
