I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
