we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
