like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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