My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
