She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
