i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
They have beer where we have blood.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
