Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
