Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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