i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
