So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
