hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
