he puts the penis in happiness.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
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