I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
