We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
