Only a mothe r could love this liver
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
vagina is talking i cant
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
