So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
