She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you win again, gameday.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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