we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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