This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
