Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
