I am in a vortex of obligation.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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