"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
