Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
