i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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