He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
