the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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