You made me cry and you don't even care
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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