dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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