i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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