Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Randomize
