last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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