I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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