omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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