Can Purell be used as lube?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
