period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
How naked do you want me to be?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
